Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
