I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
