My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
