Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
