I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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