If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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