party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just blew my weed a kiss
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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