I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize