He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
