So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
