It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
