Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
