jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
