He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
