taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
