remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
