He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
