Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
