I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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