Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
