so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
