At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
