I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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