She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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