so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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