Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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