OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
