i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
