Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
