My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
