Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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