Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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