I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
