Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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