Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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