he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
