Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
