Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
