waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
