Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
