Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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