theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
