I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
