Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
