the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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