im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
