soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Life is so much better after having sex.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
