He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
