My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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