He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
