So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
