Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
