Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
