Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
