the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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