she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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