belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
