I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
