I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
