I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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