we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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