I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
