My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
