do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
