I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
