I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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