She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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