I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize