I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
