Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dear god my vagina.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
