ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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