booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
