i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
