so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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