i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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