Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
