News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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