Already got asked if we're dating
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize