so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
