I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
