I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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