It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
