I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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